I was the one who told him to sit down and shut up because as a white man he had no standing to tell BIPOC whether or not they were actually hurting and what they should do about it. We were close friends for several years until I finally got fed up with his inability to show actual empathy. I tried to talk to him for years in a reasonable manner and finally resorted to the kind of bluntness that you are decrying. We are no longer on speaking terms. That's my proof.