I was with you until this part. BDSM is not about being an asshole or not caring about your partner's needs (and isn’t asserting that this is what women actually want kind of harmful?). In fact, real BDSM is just the opposite - and also nothing at all like 50 Shades of Grey.

The job of the Dominant is actually to give the submissive the experience that they want - typically one that pushes the envelope for them in some way, but also in a way that honors their boundaries as well as consent and provides aftercare for the intensity of the experience. It's an extremely intimate and caring experience when done properly - but it's also very different from how most of our culture envisions it.

One of the primary mantras of most kink communities is Safe, Sane, and Consensual - meaning is the other person sober and really in a stable frame of mind to make informed decisions about what is going to take place.

Real BDSM is also nothing like it's depicted in porn, which is most people's only point of reference. It involves a lot of frank and honest communication. I'd recommend that this couple educate themselves a bit before just jumping in with "rougher sex" because if they aren't yet comfortable enough in their communication to talk about what they each really want, they aren't ready to have actual kinky sex in a way that is responsible.

"Ok, let's try it" without any more communication than that sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.