I wasn't trying to put words in your mouth - you said, "the only way to stop these fears and false impressions is to actually have everyone included." How exactly are we going to have "everyone included" unless people are supposed to date people they aren't attracted to? That sort of rhetoric comes from black pills and incels. Don't say it if you don't want to be mistaken for someone with the same beliefs. And you don't have to overtly say that women are objects or passive in sex (which I don't think you believe) - but if you employ the rhetoric about women as gatekeepers that conveys that, which you did, you might as well have said it. Again, stop taking your talking points from these black pill and red pill losers. That itself would be a big step in the right direction.
If you don't find yourself lovable, it's going to be tough for anyone else to do that. If you reek of desperation, it sends women running in the other direction. If you don't know how to flirt and be playful it makes dating a lot harder. You can learn to do all of those things, but you have to keep putting in the work because attraction is not just about looks or being a decent person - those other things are a huge factor. And yeah, a lot of guys are finding that out the hard way right now. But, it's demonstrably not because 80% of women are dating 20% of men. And no, you don't see that around you because it isn't happening. Again - go to any mall or Wallmart or baseball game or whatever and you instantly prove this stupid theory wrong.
Yes, women want quality men, and they are opting out of dating in droves because they are currently so hard to find, but being a quality man is not about any of that shit.
Just about every list of what women want starts with confidence, but then typically goes on to things that you already have (but many men don't) such as emotional availability, respect, maturity, trustworthiness, etc. So, go work on the confidence part - which doesn't mean swagger -it means knowing who you are and embracing and owning that. By your own admission, that part is currently severely lacking.
If you honestly believe you've got nothing to work with, then that itself is the problem right there. Waiting for a woman to somehow save you with her love and prove that you do actually have some worth is just not going to happen. You have to find and claim your worth before any woman will want to bother with you. I'm not saying that any of this is easy, but your other choice is to give up and embrace your martyrdom, and I think you're better than that.
Get back into therapy, get a life coach, read books that help you claim and own your authenticity if you can't afford the others, do things that stretch your mind and make you a more interesting person, take up activities where you can meet new people, take on a gratitude practice. Waiting like Sleeping Beauty to be kissed and awakened (and saved) is not only unlikely, it's disempowering. Only you can save yourself.
