If a very physically unattractive man approached me and struck up a conversation, I might not go out with him, but I wouldn't think he was creepy if he interacted with me like a human being. If a clean, well-groomed man who just didn't have a beautiful face chatted me up, I might well be interested in him, depending on his personality. Don't conflate gross/poorly groomed with plain - because they aren't the same thing and don't overestimate how important looks are to women. And don’t conflate not interested in with “thinks he’s creepy.”
“Good looks are less important to women — men who score between 5–9 on ‘attractiveness’ actually receive more messages than men who score 10/10,” finds an Oxford University analysis of 150,000 dating profiles.
What too many men don't seem to realize is that just because physical appearance is the single most important thing to you (and most other men), it's not the same for women - and you projecting your ideas about which men are desirable onto women is silly and just plain wrong.
As Dr. Nerdlove points out: Likewise, men will project their feelings and desires about women onto women in reverse. Guys who want to bang women who would make their friends jealous will project the inverse onto women — women want those guys that he would envy. Women care about six pack abs because men’s beauty standards for women are so stringent.
It’s easy to project that desire onto women, because you feel that of course they have to be into it as well. A lot of the beliefs about what women “want” is really just “well, that’s what I would want if I were a woman”.
Of course, being physically attractive is a plus, but it's not the single most important thing to most women and lots of less than handsome men do great with women. Henry Kissinger is a prime example. He was short and far from handsome. Sure he was powerful, but so were a whole lot of other men in Washington - and yet, he was a huge Casanova - because he genuinely really liked women, was charming and engaging, and was a great listener. Women care most about how a man makes them feel. They want someone who is confident in what they bring to the (potential) relationship and who has the social skills to be engaging and fun - and who is interested in them as an individual, not just as a potential warm body to fuck. The fact that you don't already know and understand that is a key problem.
https://medium.com/hello-love/how-do-i-learn-to-flirt-without-being-a-creep-dcd4110e3272
Similarly, you’re not going to be “marked as a predator” if what you’re doing is talking with people and only asking out folks if it seems like there’s some chemistry and they’re showing interest. That’s just socializing, and how we tend to meet our partners.
The people who make folks uncomfortable are the ones who don’t read the room, who bounce from woman to woman (making it clear that what they’re looking for is a warm body, not because they’re interested in that particular person) or who generally doesn’t give a shit about the activity that brought everyone together.
That’s behaving in a way that is creepy and it has zero to do with what the guy looks like.
