If it kills and abuses men, if it beats, rapes, and controls women, if it bullies, and dominates as a matter of pride and a way to joust for position, it's fucking toxic. And all of those things are intrinsic elements of how masculinity is currently envisioned in this culture.
Even young boys identify that they know this is what is expected of them. When asked by a researcher, they could easily identify what it takes “to be a man”:
• Hide all emotions
• Treat women as less, have control over women
• Be tough, never admit self doubt, fear
• Police and bully other boys who don’t conform.
Do you or do you not see a problem with that? I'm asking because I want to be sure that we're talking about the same thing here.
And most of all, why do you need some little box of acceptable traits devised by someone else that are all that you are allowed to be? And why would you think that was a healthy thing? That's the real issue - being somewhat stoic or liking cars or whatever is not the issue. Doing that because it's all that you are allowed is the problem. And bullying other men into being that is the problem on steroids. There’s no such thing as one static version of masculinity through the ages so how about we let guys be whoever they naturally are?
"The fact that this iteration of masculinity seems “traditional” and therefore “natural” to some people is really just a mirage because in different cultures and at different times in history, what constituted masculinity was often very different than it is in America today. A family made up of a male “provider” and a female homemaker and their children is a very recent (and actually fairly short-lived) dynamic. It appeared in the 1950s but by the late 70s was on its way out."
