If that's the story you feed your brain, but it doesn't need to. I was with a new guy recently and we were having a lot of fun, but I told him that I can't orgasm with someone I don't know very well, and he said, "No problem, I can't get hard with someone I don't know very well," and we both proceeded to enjoy the rest of our time together without worrying about any of that. When men grasp that penetration isn't the only important aspect of sex, it opens up a lot of possibilities for pleasure. Don't get me wrong, penetration is great, but a good lover is a good lover, whether or not that is taking place and outdated stories about masculinity and about sex are irrelevant to that.