I'll give it a listen when I get a chance but I do have to reiterate that it's not remotely in dispute that gender is a construct. Biological sex is not, but gender is a manufactured social "agreement" that various societies create - often quite differently from each other. Patriarchal cultures value virginity and sexual reticence in women, but many, many other cultures do not, as just one example of cultural gender differences.
For the !Kung hunter-gatherers of the Kalahari desert in Botswana, children are accorded significant autonomy, and they go off in groups to set up play villages at the edge of the adult villages. There they would imitate the activities of their parents, including hunting, gathering, cooking, eating, and sexual intercourse. Indeed, Marjorie Shostak’s extensive interviews with the !Kung woman, Nisa, revealed that !Kung children engage in a considerable amount of sexual play from an early age, play that eventually matures into regular sexual intercourse between unmarried couples. Married life, for most young women, begins with a series of provisional or trial marriages with older men. Due to the age difference, these marriages are rather unstable and easily break up in divorce, which is, as a consequence, quite common. Shostak observes that “[n]o premium is placed on virginity—indeed, I could not find a word for virginity in the !Kung language. The divorced girl or woman simply re-enters the category of highly desirable potential wives, to be sought after by eligible men.” Among these hunter-gatherers, women’s extensive premarital and successive marital sexuality has no consequences for their subsequent marital status.
McKinnon, Susan. Neo-liberal Genetics (p. 81). Prickly Paradigm Press. Kindle Edition.
But returning to the original "question" - how can you have complete equality if one person is envisioned as the leader and the other is expected to follow as you've painted the picture? Why even use those terms if there is no hierarchy when they prima facie imply hierarchy?
On our first date, my now husband and I went to a cool museum. At one point about an hour in, he accidentally brushed my arm with his and electricity ran up my spine, so I understand that aspect. In an earlier part of my life, I finally got to kiss a guy I'd had an intense crush on for several years. Proverbial fireworks went off in my brain. Is that an experience that only women have? Hundreds of years of poetry and songs would beg to differ.
And I get chills when we make love
Like she come from above
Body some like my drug
Ima addicted to how we fuck
Say I'm addicted
Say I'm addicted
It's like I just can't get enough
Ima gangsta for her I blush
Fireworks when we touch
I'm addicted I get a rush
Say I'm addicted
Say I'm addicted
Edit: Just curious — how many people from non-patriarchal cultures have you talked to?
