I'm all for partners being kind and understanding of each other but despite your disclaimer it does sound like you are asking women to smooth over where patriarchy has fucked men up - which completely fails to account for all the ways that women have their own pain and worries. Historically, it's been women's role to help men process emotions and to make them feel more secure and loved. Aside from the way that all partners ought to be be affirming of each other in that way, asking for her to put aside her own wounding, the way he's acting like an ass, and hurting her, etc. is out of line. Go do your own work and stop demanding that women validate you at their own expense.