I'm perceiving you through the lens of the words that you spoke. I understand the male perspective quite well. I have two male partners, a son, and a most importantly, a background in looking at and understanding how this social system works, including the many ways that it screws over and disadvantages men. I write about that quite a bit in fact. I'm also 57 years old, so I'm going to guess I've probably been dating for longer than you've been alive - so there's that as well.
When someone says to you that little girls who are still basically children start getting pervasively harassed and that this continues for most of their lives, don't turn the focus back to how that keeps men from getting what they want without a single remark about how horrendous that is. That IS shameful!
Men are taught to approach women like a commodity, something to be won, rather than as a human being. You yourself confirmed this with your assertion that women want and expect a man to be "smooth." This is not remotely the case amongst the vast majority of women. As I said in my initial response, teach men to interact with women as a person that they want to get to know better, rather than as a sexual object who holds the keys to something they want to obtain, and are trying to manipulate the woman into gaining access to and the problem gets solved for everyone.
If men believe that they have to learn a script, a patter, a set of lines or moves instead of just being themselves, they are being sold a bill of goods (by patriarchy). A very small percentage of very young and insecure women want or respond to that. I hear all the time from the rest of them about how much they just want a guy to be real, to be himself, to not try so hard to be "impressive" and to just genuinely try to get to know them - and also how rarely this actually happens. You know what's a super easy and effective way to talk to a woman? Ask her about what she's passionate about in life, or what she's an expert in and then sit back and let her shine. Women are so rarely treated with respect, or listened to by men that this is like catnip.
In the produce section -"Excuse me, do you now how to tell if this melon is ripe?" In line at the deli - "Do you mind if I ask you, but what's your favorite thing to eat here?" Anything that shows some genuine interest in what she might think or know or believe. If she gives you a quick answer and moves away, leave her alone. If she picks up the line and starts a conversation, pursue it in a natural way, like you were talking to a friend.
I was friends for a while with a kind of big-time ladies man. He even wrote a book about his philosophy and experiences and this is exactly what he said as well. Ask her questions that you actually care about the answer to or that really illuminate who she is - not things like, "Have you lived here long?" Not things where you are trying to demonstrate how dominant you are. Be a person - make a real human connection. If more men understood this instead of believing the BS they've been sold about needing to be an "alpha" or whatever, we'd all be a lot happier.
