It does hurt them very badly - but they've been trained to blame that on other things. I recently was rereading bell hooks and she talks about patriarchy as a drug - which makes sense to me.

"Passive male absorption of sexist ideology enables men to falsely interpret this disturbed behavior positively. As long as men are brainwashed to equate violent domination and abuse of women with privilege, they will have no understanding of the damage done to themselves or to others, and no motivation to change.

Patriarchy demands of men that they become and remain emotional cripples. Since it is a system that denies men full access to their freedom of will, it is difficult for any man of any class to rebel against patriarchy."

Hooks, Bell. The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love (p. 27). Atria Books. Kindle Edition.