It's always charming when a man simply assumes that I don't know the first thing about what I'm talking about. I tell ya, that one never gets old. But, in reality, I'm someone with an interest in sociologist who studies a lot of the things that I write about. Not only do I read stories written by women on Medium about terrible experiences they've had with dating men, I also read books about how men and women are socialized; articles that flesh out the results of studies on relevant subjects, etc.
What the statistics show is that women are filing for divorce a lot more than men for three main reason: 1) Women are more likely to feel held back by the marriage. 2) Women often take on more of the emotional burden because men are not taught how to communicate and process emotions. 3) Women no longer tolerate consistent unacceptable behavior. For more on this read this linked article which talks about the results from an American Sociological Association study.
One of the (male) researchers from the study had this to say about the findings: Rosenfeld said his results support the feminist assertion that some women experience heterosexual marriage as oppressive or uncomfortable. “I think that marriage as an institution has been a little bit slow to catch up with expectations for gender equality,” Rosenfeld said. “Wives still take their husbands’ surnames, and are sometimes pressured to do so. Husbands still expect their wives to do the bulk of the housework and the bulk of the childcare."
That's why 70% of divorces are initiated by women. It doesn't mean that woman are never at fault, or never do anything to harm the relationship, but the overwhelming dynamic is that marriage tends to bring out entitled, patriarchal impulses in men. And, women deal with a certain amount of that, even before marriage — particularly sexual entitlment.
Did you not even bother to read the story I linked you about how toxic Man Box masculinity is - for men? Because if you can't separate out individual men or maleness from a culture of masculinity that is found in our particular societies, then there is no point even trying to talk to you.
And, if you were actually paying attention to what I write, you'd notice that I'm not bashing men, I'm calling out how patriarchy has socialized them to behave, and mentioning on a regular basis the ways that this not just hurts men, but is, in fact, killing them. It also makes a lot of them shitty partners, but that's not because men are evil or inherently subpar to women - it's because the Man Box is dominance-oriented, and so that's how a lot of men behave.
We can't solve problems that we don't recognize as existing. And, on top of that, telling women to stop complaining about patriarchy is about as reasonable as telling Black people to stop complaining about racism. It negatively impacts and effects every aspect of our lives from the time we were small children and there is no way in hell I'm going to pretend that isn't the case. I’ve had my life negatively impacted by patriarchy just about every day of my life and so have most women — sorry if that hurts your feelings to hear women say that.
And, in addition to writing about the negative effects of patriarchy on the culture, I also write poetry, humor, about spirituality, anthropology, sex and sexuality - and a number of other topics. If you think that all I write about is how the culture of masculinity is harmful, you are the one who has a narrow perspective. But, when I do write about it or make a comment about it, I'm not just spouting off my emotions (unlike some people), I'm speaking from a place of understanding the sociological dynamics that are in play and how they are unpleasant for women, destructive for relationships, and harmful to men.
