I've never said that men are the ONLY ones who perpetuate patriarchy, but despite your anecdotes (which aren't necessarily universal), research indicates that men do uphold harmful masculine norms and police other boys and men into maintaining them. Not all men succumb to those pressures, but nearly all men experience them.
Jock culture (or what the young men I met were more likely to call “bro culture”) is the dark underbelly of male-dominated enclaves, whether or not they formally involve athletics: all-boys’ schools, fraternity houses, Wall Street, Silicon Valley, Hollywood, the military. Even as they promote bonding, preaching honor and integrity, such groups condition guys to treat anyone who is not “on the team” (a category that may include any woman who is not a blood relative) as the enemy—bros before hos!—justifying hostility or antagonism toward them. Loyalty is unconditional, and masculinity asserted through sharing sexual exploits, misogynist language, and homophobia.
Orenstein, Peggy. Boys & Sex (p. 21). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.
If men actually cared about what women think, there would be no rape culture, there would be no sexual harassment, there would be no need for women to routinely sue to get their legal rights at work upheld, there would be no authority gap. I get that men want women to like and approve of them, but not to the point where they actually do their fair share of housework and childcare, not to the point where they are willing to stand up to other men telling misogynistic jokes, not to the point where they are willing to actively change masculine norms to shift away from domination and control of women ...
