James absolutely hates doing the dishes, and rarely does them, but now that he’s retired, he’s doing the bulk of the cooking, so at least I’m no longer doing both. He’s been doing his own laundry for several years, and now that I’ve finally got my son doing his own laundry, I really only have to do my own, which is a huge relief.

I have definitely noticed that opening up our marriage helped dismantle some of these gendered ideas about chores. Now, we are more likely to just talk about what needs to be done and decide based on who has the time and inclination in the moment, which I really appreciate. The other day I went to the hardware store because I was going past it on another errand, and he went grocery shopping. Of course, you don’t have to go poly to do this, but it was interesting to note how much it shook up what we’d internalized about what it means to be a husband and a wife when we did.