Just about everything in our culture operates as a part of a dominance hierarchy, but that doesn't mean it's universally true. For most of human history we didn’t live that way.
I also write all the time about places where this does not exist in the present, including in some modern Western democracies. Masculinity isn't inherently toxic, but as it is constructed in this culture, deeply entrenched within a dominance hierarchy, it is incredibly toxic. It's killing men and boys left and right, to say nothing of what it is doing to women and others. Just as fruit is fine and rotten fruit is not fine, masculinity is great and as it is currently constructed in this culture is not at all fine.
Of course men need more male friends - that's a big part of the problem - stratospheric levels of loneliness because this culture won't allow men to have real friendships after a certain age - because that's "gay" or "girly" or "weak."
"Professor Way’s research shows us that in early adolescence, boys express deeply fulfilling emotional connection and love for each other, but by the time they reach adulthood, that sense of connection evaporates. This is a catastrophic loss — one that we assume men will simply adjust to. They do not. Millions of men are experiencing a sense of deep loss that haunts them even if they are engaged in fully realized romantic relationships, marriages, and families."
It's fascinating to me that you lump parenting in there with things like the military and consumer culture - both of which are highly dysfunctional environments. I have great respect for those who serve, but the environment takes toxic to a whole new level. According to the Pentagon, 38 men are raped every day service-wide - and that's just the men! All this despite a concerted effort to try to up education and punishments for misconduct - but it doesn't make a dent because the culture is so domination-oriented that it's the quintessential rape and harassment culture.
Parenting, on the other hand, need not be domination-oriented. Just reminding you that the key element of a domination system is enforcement by coercion, violence, or threat of violence. Here's something I wrote a while back on what an alternative to a dominance-hierarchy system would look like. The fact that you can't seem to imagine anything else but what we have now is the reason that I do what I do - to help people dream bigger.
“Partnership-based structures (in the family, workplace, or civic arena) don’t have to mean that everyone has equal say, or that there is no hierarchy or leadership at all. The goal is not anarchy. But instead of creating an in-group and an out-group, or having some people with vastly more power than those around them, the goal is to have real cooperative relationships that yield the best results for everyone.
Demands for subordination and obedience are replaced with mutual respect and collaboration. Stratification based on arbitrary elements like gender, race, or class are unnecessary and serve no purpose. Achievement based solely on merit is fully possible. Quality-of-life, human development, and environmental sustainability become more important than the interests of a few elites.”
