Just as with racism, or homophobia, there are those who flagrantly misbehave - but the vast majority of the problem takes place systemically and with deep-seated unconscious bias that comes out of being raised in such a culture. So, I'm standing by my position that most men are desperately attached to patriarchy because that has been my overwhelming observation. I see it coming from self-professed progressive guys, even many who view themselves as allies, just as much as I see it from right wing nut jobs.

One of the core fundamentals of patriarchal masculinity is to be in control, to always act like you know what you're doing, and to always stay in a dominant position relative to the other person (even if very subtly). This is completely antithetical to the sort of vulnerable self-inventory and reflection that is necessary to truly confront patriarchal bias and programming. Most men aren't doing that, and most men don't want to do it. They turn a blind eye to how the culture of normative masculinity drives violence and rape - against both women and men, because "I didn't do it, and that's just how it is."

Even men who complain that they don't have privilege know full well that it is "better" to be a boy than it is to be a girl in this culture and they don't want to give up that hierarchy. Patriarchy is a zero-sum dynamic. Somebody has to lose so that somebody else can win. (Win/win isn't part of the paradigm).

I don't give a flip what your approach is for mentoring men away from patriarchal masculinity - just get out there and do it!!!! The methods are irrelevant to me as long as the results are there.