Mainstream masculine norms and culture are the root cause of all violence in our society, including violence against women (as well as other men). Discussing that and grappling with it are the only way to ever improve things - for everyone. Being defensive about that is essentially saying you could care less about violence because your ego is more important than a better society is.

Manhood or masculinity alone is not the cause of violence, but the way we socialize boys to become men is clearly a factor.

We emphasize in this report that there is nothing inherent about being male that drives violence. Being biologically male is not the key cause of men’s violence, and in fact, contributes little to understanding and preventing violence. Boys (and girls) are raised, taught, socialized, encouraged, traumatized into, and made to witness violence. They are not born to be violent.

https://www.nextgenmen.ca/library/masculine-norms-and-violence-making-the-connections

Male identity and masculine norms are undeniably linked with violence, with men and boys disproportionately likely both to perpetrate violent crimes and to die by homicide and suicide. While biology may play a role in shaping a tendency toward certain forms of violence, the “nature” of men and boys is not the sole predictor of their violent behaviors or experiences. Rather, boys and men are often raised, socialized, and/or encouraged to be violent, depending on their social surroundings and life conditions.