My entire beef with this story was that it had little to actually do with patriarchy. I think you could have easily told it without artificially trying to cram that angle in and still made your point.

I don't walk around in terror. I don't even lock my door during the day or have an alarm system. I'm going to say this one last time, and hopefully it will register. I whole-heartedly support encouraging women to stand up for themselves. I want to see women feel more empowered to do that, but what I do not want is anyone, and particularly not another woman, shaming them for not being there yet because there are very real dangers, which depending on the circumstances may be substantial or they may be slight. In either case, even if the chances are slight, the consequences are serious. You tell me you live in a place that is pretty safe for women who aren't involved in domestic strife, but then go on to chide women who do not live in those places as if they should be where you are - and where you are at this point in your life. It's really unnecessary and unkind and it's counterproductive.

Would you advocate for a drug manufacturer to not have to disclose potential serious side effects, even if the chances of them were small? Because that's what I see you doing - mocking and shaming women for living in a world that can be extremely dangerous for them, and blaming them for not being stronger. That's not helping. It's not empowering.

I want women to stand up for themselves, and I also want that to be a thing that doesn't so often need to be done or come with really terrible consequences. And since you, Nicole, have no way to know when someone is really going to be fine, and when they are going to get fired or killed for standing up for themselves, a bit more empathy, and support would be a nice thing. And we've already been all through this before.

Sure, maybe that new drug will cure you, and maybe it will lead you to a terrible death, but it's a roll of the dice, so that is why drug manufacturers have to disclose that the possibility of death exists. Pretending it's not a possibility, even if it's not likely, is irresponsible and when you're wielding it as a weapon that the chance is pretty small, that's all fine and dandy until you are the one who dies. Pretending no real risks exist isn't the way forward, because real people do get hurt. We have to face the world we live in - not the one that we would like to imagine.

Plus, why do we spend so much time telling women what to do in order to not get raped and we spend almost no time teaching men how to not be rapists? It's kind of the same thing as our disagreement. Both are needed, but we tend to only focus on how women should avoid and deal with bad behavior and I don't think that's enough. It's certainly an important part, but it's not the only one.

Helping to draw attention to the things that need to change in the social system to make things better is what I do. You prefer to focus on the other angle, which is also fine - as long as you are not looking down your nose at women who need your help and support and not your disdain. We absolutely need both parts of this in order to make progress, although no amount of personal responsibility is going to matter in some instances unless the social structure changes.

I absolutely have weak spots, but they are not the ones that you imagine.