My perception is that there are a lot of (mostly) men out there in dating land who are calling themselves ENM, but who are essentially looking to further engage in hook-up culture and not get dinged for it. They have read zero books about non-monogamy, and have no interest in thoughtful consideration of others, in good communication, self-responsibility, or any of the other hallmarks of actual consensual non-monogamy.

This behavior poisons the well for others who are kind, thoughtful, and consensual about their relationships. I think the only way to address that is to name it early on, and make clear that is not what you are up to and not how you treat people. Even so, many women will be leery. As long as we live in a culture where monogamy is culturally enforced (if not very well adhered to in practice) and where people play-act at a relationship style they don't actually know anything about, dating is going to be a bit more tricky for poly folks.

Another book I'd like to recommend is Opening Up by Tristan Taormino.