Nicole Chardenet, I just remembered a story that I wrote back in 2019 which demonstrates that I'm not at all interested in scaring women and teaching them to be fearful. In fact, just the opposite. It's about being on vacation and having our room broken into while we were sleeping in it. Everyone else freaked out, except for me, who had to be the voice of reason talking them down from having watched too many episodes of CSI.
I think we can both agree that culture plays a destructive part in encouraging women to be fearful, above and beyond what is necessary to stay safe. I just don't think the way to address that is by berating women for not being stronger. They need tools, encouragement, positive examples, and other things to help counter-act the messaging that tells them to be terrified of male strangers, in particular - when we both know they are much more likely to be harmed by someone they know or even live with.
And at the same time, I believe we also need to acknowledge that sometimes there are risks that may be quite serious, even as we encourage women to stand up for themselves more often. Just as we acknowledge the seriousness of some drug side effects, even as we encourage people to take them if they feel that the benefits outweigh the risks. But that's also for them to determine for themselves. They know their life and their circumstances better than anyone else, and I think that trusting people to do what is right for them (even if they screw it up sometimes) is a way of interfacing with people that is respectful and humane. Telling a class of people who have objectively been victimized repeatedly to "stop acting like a victim" is not the answer, in my estimation. Empowerment doesn't come through shaming or berating. It comes through support that helps the person feel strong enough to move the next step forward. I think that's something you are quite capable of doing. I'd love to see you doing it more often.
