None of what you've said refutes my thesis. In fact, you've actually reinforced it. You mentioned that these societies have a set of rules, and that there are social mechanisms for reinforcing them. That's what I said.
Also, the Mingangkabu are a culture of about 4 million, so not exactly the small, pre-industrial culture of the others I mentioned. In kink communities and swinger’s clubs, what is tolerated as far as sexual violence and consent is totally different than in the outside world. Men who were raised in this culture are quite able to shift gears and embrace these more egalitarian cultures.
“If I were to walk down the main thoroughfare of my town naked, or even topless (which is technically legal in my state), I would get harassed, and perhaps even arrested. I might even get attacked as a woman who was clearly “asking for it.” But if I were to go to a swinger’s club or a clothing optional space, I would have no such issues. The difference is both in culture and in expectation.”
No human beings are happy single because we are a highly social and interconnected species. But, in a Paleolithic tribe or any other pre-patriarchal social structure, even a man without a wife/girlfriend would not be "alone." He would have the love and support of his village. In addition, rape is never about sex - it's about power, wielding sex as a weapon.
Our society (and every Western society) absolutely tolerates rape. We very demonstrably live in a rape culture. Or it wouldn't be happening at the extraordinarily high levels that it does. This is why Amnesty International did a report on the supposedly gender-equal Nordic countries.
"A culture where every 37 seconds an American is sexually assaulted, where 1 in 16 women say their first sexual experience was forced, where out of every 1000 rapes, only 6 results in incarceration — that’s a rape culture. No one shames mugging victims, or accuses them of making it up. There is no pervasive cultural narrative that says that most mugging victims are vindictive liars out to harm some innocent guy with false accusations but there is such a pervasive narrative about rape (despite the fact that false accusation rates are somewhere between 2–10%) and are nearly always perpetrated by someone who fits a particular profile for doing so."
And how is it some kind of feminist propaganda for me to report what took place in Apache culture? Give me a break. If hearing that men could and should be doing something to stop rape in our culture makes you angry, imagine how it makes women feel to hear you abdicating all responsibility and essentially telling them too bad - the raping will continue because we won't do anything about it. Every single woman I know has been the victim of some sort of sexual violence and you're angry that I want that to stop!!!!
We live in a dominance hierarchy culture. If we didn't, we wouldn't have most of the social problems that we do. I've never once advocated for shaming anyone - those are your words - but I do advocate for creating a more egalitarian society where nobody accrues status by control and dominating others. I'd also like to see men stop turning a blind eye to rape culture, and feeding into it with lies and outright dismissal of how horrendous it is to treated that way from a young age in a culture that just kind of shrugs at it. Most girls start getting sexually harassed around the age of 10-12, with pretty much all before the age of 17. You want to talk angry - I'm angry that you don't already know that and that now that you do, it's still just an academic construct in your mind. For women, this is our lived experiences.
How about you stop whining about what a burden it is for you to not be taken for a rapist and think about why there's even a need for that? A little empathy would be nice!
How about you stop perpetuating made up stories about what women actually want in a man and take responsibility for the fact that if you aren't finding someone, it's due to your personality, or your lack of self-confidence, or your entitled attitude, or something about you that has nothing to do with sports cars or status because almost no women actually care about any of that. Attraction isn't a checklist - it's chemistry.
"A relentless focus on “mating value,” narrowly conceived, also contrasts with an analysis of several data sets reporting what characteristics men and women find more and less important in a partner. These show that for the past seventy-five years, across a number of different countries, the most important attributes in a long-term partner for both women and men have nothing to do with youthful fertility traded for resources."
Fine, Cordelia. Testosterone Rex: Myths of Sex, Science, and Society (p. 75). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.
If you are not actively doing things to counter and challenge the current culture of domination-oriented masculinity than you are propping it up (and also benefiting from it) and that makes you nearly as culpable as the guys who are actually doing the bad things. Because without your complacency, what they do would not be going on. If you're too "tapped out" to care about how that affects women (and Black people, and homosexuals, and kids getting bullied on the playground) then I guess you reap what you sow and the culture continues as is...
It sounds like you've had some bad things happen to you, and I'm sorry to hear that, but I have never condoned or said I approve of those things and you dumping your shit on me and accusing me of things that I've never said or advocated for is not acceptable. Go work your pain out somewhere else - not on other people who you don't even know. I've had a lot of bad shit happen to me as well and I'm not taking it out on you or even on men as a gender. I'm pointing to the social system that allows those sorts of things to be ubiquitous and in fact, a baked in part of the culture. If that's too much for you to deal with, then please don't read what I write because I'm not going to stand for another unhinged tirade like this one.
