Of course you have, but that doesn't detract from the fact that society-wide ruthlessness and "hardness" are valued in leaders way too often. Here's a story I just came across that spells it out very clearly - with a few relevant excerpts.
"The authors emphasize that men who display behaviors or take on roles typically associated with femininity may face criticism and consequences, such as being viewed as less competent or receiving lower performance evaluations.
The above is shocking because male workers are often penalized for displaying positive — often productive — behavior that contributes to effective leadership. These are some of the staggering findings from this report:
1. Being Agreeable: Men who display communal and agreeable traits earn significantly less and are considered less competent for managerial roles, potentially deterring them from engaging in these behaviors at work.
2. Displaying Empathy: While empathy is crucial for effective leadership, female leaders displaying empathy avoid career derailment. Male leaders are likely exposed to career derailment for showing empathy.
3. Showing Sadness: Men showing sadness at work are perceived as less deserving of emotion, more emotional, and less competent than women. Authentic work environments allow all employees to experience emotions without penalty.
4. Being Humble: Modest men are seen as less likable, weaker, and less competent than modest women. Modesty among men is seen as weak. Firms tend to penalize displays of modesty and fail to combat the detrimental effects of workplace narcissism.
If you think about it, this means that the “masculine” traits rewarded in workplaces are almost psychopathic: they include narcissism, an anti-social element, and a lack of empathy. In that case, it offers a broader reason why gender disparities in pay at the workplace can develop."
