Quite often we can't see ourselves (particularly when we haven't spent a lot of time getting to know our shadow selves) - we imagine that what is in our head is translating well to others when in truth, it isn't - and what's in your conscious mind may be very different than what is in your subconsicous - which mostly runs us. By your own account, you haven't been expressing yourself clearly in the way that you perhaps mean to - probably because you've been dumping your emotions out rather than coming from your cognitive places (something I've witnessed a lot). Not an attack - just an observation of what happens to lots of people.
You feel "pushed away" because you expect that you should be centered in the fight for women's equality. You expect to be thanked for not being an asshole even though women are still fighting for their lives. You've told me that "it feels like shit" when women (appropriately) continue to feel attacked and abused by men - because you're "a good man" and they shouldn't do that to you.... Do you even hear yourself? Patriarchy is alive and well and you benefit from it everyday whether you want to or not. I read recently how 30% of German men feel it is always appropriate to strike a woman "if she deserves it." I know that isn't your birth nationality but it is the atmosphere you are surrounded by even if Berlin is in many ways more progressive than some places.
I'm serious and not at all trying to be a jerk when I say that it would absolutely benefit you to get some therapy around this. Your perception of yourself is very, very different from how it appears in the world. My professional expertise (one of them) is in reading what is really going on for people; what they are "saying" under what they are saying. I'm not straw-maning you at all. I'm seeing you as you are - in a way that doesn't flatter you and that is out of alignment with how you experience yourself. Most men who grew up in very patriarchal households don't have good fluency with their emotions - which means that they tend to be run by them from behind the scenes. This is not an attack or an indictment, except as it is an indictment of the way our culture harms men.
Let's look at some of the "evidence" from your writing:
https://medium.com/bitchy/curing-misogyny-a-progress-report-c98ef89eee57
Actually not at all about actually addressing misogyny. The whole thing is a satire piece where at the end you attack women for not being nicer to men around experiencing misogyny.
"For some unknown reason, women have been found to display a tendency to subconsciously categorise men as enemy tribe members who might hurt, exploit or abuse them."
Are you fucking kidding me?!! For some "unknown" reason.... Not what an actual feminist says. What a petulant man who has had his feelings hurt says.
https://medium.com/@simonfokt/the-same-tired-points-again-and-again-bae716145453
The entire thing is a deflection for why you don't have to take responsibility for inflammatory things that you've said. It's all women's fault for not being more grateful to you for wanting to "help" them by telling them what's wrong with them.
https://medium.com/mans-compass/4-reasons-why-men-should-be-feminists-83472e216de1
OK, this one wasn't too bad, but you still had to say this just in order to throw women under the bus before you try to defend them: "I mean, I get it, I have joked numerous times that the only reason I stick around is that I have Stockholm Syndrome."
https://medium.com/my-unpopular-opinion/the-feminist-objectification-of-men-2c48e8fd9549
Here you've conflated random women with feminists because it "sounds" better. It's also mostly not true in an equivalent sense with women, but it sure sounds good because you can hate on women and still pretend to be a feminist.
"feminists. Their main goal is not to get sex. Instead, their main goals are to: feel strong, feel in control, and gain status in their peer group."
No, you anti-feminist icon, the main objective of feminists is to get out from under the yoke of patriarchy. Duh! Could you be more condescending and dismissive and hateful?
https://medium.com/feminista101/why-even-good-men-dont-feel-welcome-in-feminism-aabf6c2b55c8
"Meanwhile, a recent YouGov poll has found that while 85% of people in Western democracies agree that ‘men and women should have equal rights and status in society, and be treated equally in every way’, only about a third are willing to call themselves feminists."
No - it's because feminism has had just enough success to engender a HUGE backlash. If you were an actual feminist, you'd know and recognize that.
In the UK, about half of all men believe that feminism has "gone too far" and yet, women in the UK are demonstrably discriminated against and oppressed. They need way, way more feminism despite the perception. That's the way it is all over the world. The perception of something is usually not "the truth" of it and that is absolutely so in this case.
"Despite the perceptions of young men surveyed, critics would argue that feminism has not gone far enough in the UK. The UK now ranks 21st on the World Economic Forum’s Gender Equality Index. Women in the country remain underrepresented in politics, and the gender pay gap is not narrowing."
You are failing at writing; you are failing at being an actual feminist ally; you don't actually like most women as far as I can tell. In fact, you resent them for not being more adoring or thankful for your half-assed, passive-aggressive, subtext hateful efforts on their part. The more I delved into reading your stuff, the more clearly this shines through. Yikes! I started out trying to be concilliatory but after rereading some of your stuff, I’m frankly appalled at how much you dislike and disdain women.
THERAPY - ASAP
Or at least stop pretending you are an actual feminist ally because even if your conscious mind wants to do good, your subconscious is full of resentment, dislike, and entitlement. QED your own words. I feel like I need to go take a shower after reading this slime.
I’m on the precipice of blocking you. The more I learn of you, the more concerned I become. It’s very disturbing.
