Rape is nearly always perpetrated by "decent people" who are acting out mainstream scripts of how masculinity is constructed in our culture. 85% of the time, it's perpetrated by someone the woman knows and has let into her sphere. This idea that rape is done by monsters is a part of rape culture. I've read paper after paper, book after book, where the researcher truly liked the boys and men she was interviewing and saw them in many ways how they see themselves, as just regular nice young guys - that is until they, with a straight face, begin describing things that meet the legal definition of rape - things that they don't even recognize as being that because it's such a mainstream part of male culture.

FEMINISTS DEVELOPED THE CONCEPT OF a rape culture decades ago to describe how men who rape are not simply a handful of “sick” or deviant individuals. They are instead the products of a culture that glorifies and sexualizes male power and dominance and at the same time glorifies and sexualizes female subservience and submission. Rape must be understood not as an aberration in such a cultural environment but as simply the extreme end on a continuum of behaviors. The controversial aspect of this seemingly commonsense argument is that it implicates tens of millions of men who are not rapists. Most men would rather not think about how they participate in a culture that actively promotes — or at the very least tolerates — sexual violence. Many find offensive the mere suggestion of any sense of shared responsibility.

Katz, Jackson. The Macho Paradox (pp. 199–200). Sourcebooks. Kindle Edition.

And the way that we know this is true is that in cultures where masculinity is not defined by domination and by control of women, rape mostly doesn't exist.

I'm not disputing that shame plays a part, but it's completely off base to disregard the ways that men bond around sexual denigration of women, and how they are taught to push past consent, or to obtain coerced consent so that they can still be "good guys."

38% of college men admitted to researchers that they had coerced women into having sex that they didn't want to have - verbally coerced, but also physically. Are you telling me that well over a third of the guys on college campuses are sociopaths?

There's a ton of research that shows a huge amount of common ground between normative heterosexuality and sexual violence. I'm happy to learn more about the shame aspect, but pretending that most men aren't in "the Man Box" to at least some extent is delusional.

That being said, if you've got a link to any articles on the shame stuff, I'm happy to read them.