Several years ago I told James that I didn't want to be his wife anymore. It didn't mean I wanted to break up - just that I wanted to be his partner and not have all the cultural baggage of what "wife" implies. We were both growing and changing in our relationship in other ways and it took some time to adjust - although we finally did. In the meantime, I'd sometimes have to yell, "You seem to think I'm your fucking wife, and I'm not, not anymore." Fortunately, we finally came out on the other side of that and are happy together, but that cultural programming is deep and insidious all around, so I get what you're saying about wanting more than just that.