Simply being married and not having any other legit sexual outlet is not a promise of sex. It should be a commitment to talk about what's going on, but it's not a "paid for" commodity (I don't think you are saying that it is, just to be clear). But too many men think this way and I find it really, really disturbing. It's like they think they've bought a sex doll or something and it hearkens to the times (not that long ago) when marital rape was legal - because "how can you rape your wife - her body belongs to you?"

Obviously, couples should be willing to work on what's taking place if one of them suddenly has a lot less libido, and also agree that if they can't figure it out, it impacts the relationship, but if you're going to divorce somebody that you otherwise have a close relationship with just because she doesn't want to have sex with you, it makes me wonder if that is the only real thing in the marriage. If so, you probably should divorce, because that's not a healthy relationship.

Since you can't read Yael's essay, I'll excerpt some of it here:

"Do you know how many times we were told to expect that sex would be pleasurable and enjoyable? That we had the right to only engage in it when we wanted to? That we had the right to determine how we wanted to engage?

How many times? Never for me. I suspect never for most women my age and older.

We were taught something else entirely:

Women aren’t supposed to like sex

Women aren’t supposed to want sex

Don’t initiate sex with a man or he’ll think you’re a slut

Be grateful to any man who wants to have sex with you — and show your gratitude (wink, wink)If a man wants to sleep with you, it’s because you did something to arouse him — and since men have no control over their arousal or desire, you have to take responsibility for what you did and let him follow through by surrendering your body to him.

And most importantly: When you enter a relationship with a man, you must show your love for him by being ready to have sex whenever he wants. That’s the only way men know how to experience love and intimacy, we’re told, and as such, it’s a wife’s (or girlfriend’s) duty to be ready when he is.

As I sort through my sexual history and the indoctrination around it that I was fed, I sometimes feel like I’m waking up after being roofied for the past thirty-five years.

When men on the internet complain to me about their wives not wanting to have sex, I’m puzzled and often troubled by their language.

I didn’t sign up for a roommate, many say. Or, What’s the point of being married if you can’t have sex?

While I’m not insensitive to having unfulfilled sexual desires (guys, nearly my entire life has been unfulfilled sexual desires — like most women), I wonder if these men hear the words they are saying.

If you don’t have sex, then all that’s left is a roommate? There’s literally nothing left in your relationship beyond sharing space and financial responsibilities? The only intimacy in your relationship is sex?

What’s the point of being married without sex? Yeah, that seems like a valid question — one the men who feel that way should be asking themselves. Did they only get married in order to have access to sex?And if so, shouldn’t we talk about the implications of that expectation?

How is it possible that men can maintain their arousal even when it’s abundantly clear that their wives don’t want to have sex at a particular moment? How is it possible that their commitment to the satisfaction of their own erections is, in that moment, more important than the commitment they made to another human being?

How can they want something from another person that is so intimate, so vulnerable even when they have to beg, negotiate, or threaten to get it?

Is this love?"

So yes, people should talk about what's going on if the sex isn't where they want it to be but nobody owes anybody sex. Nobody owes someone else their body autonomy - particularly around something as intimate and vulnerable as literally letting another person inside of you. Are you seriously going to divorce your wife if she can't accommodate you in that way? Or, do you actually love her - for better or for worse?

Perhaps masturbation isn't as satisfying as partnered sex, but as Yael points out, most women have been expected to make do with less than satisfying sex their entire lives. Why is it only men who are "entitled" to the kind of sex they want?

So, definitely a duty to try to work it out together, but no duty about what the ultimate outcome is.