SMH! I've already given you the results from two major studies where men themselves say that this is what is expected of them. I could quote you 25 more about how violence is expected and demanded from men as a way to demonstrate that they are "real men." It's a very well established fact. You saying it isn't doesn't negate that.
I'm sorry to hear that you have experienced groping and such, but your anecdotes don't really serve to stand in for the larger picture. You said that you've lived in two major cities and I already said that urban environments are places where men, particularly younger men, are more likely to experience violence. My anecdotes only serve to support what study of this topic reveals. All women have been sexually harassed - pretty much universally. There are almost none who haven't been and that's what studies of this show. It often begins at age 10 but by 15 pretty most girls have experienced this, and by 17 nearly all. This continues for decades. The fact that you know men who have been falsely accused and think you know more of them than have been harassed is immaterial. It's such a ubiquitous experience for women that they mostly don't talk about it. Obviously, men who have been falsely accused are going to talk about that. And once again, your personal experiences don't necessarily indicate what research of this topic reveals. Plus, ever heard of the #MeToo movement?
I empathize with men entirely - because I see how our culture screws them over, forces them into emotional isolation, and I know there are things that men struggle with. And, those things are a function of living in a patriarchy. I've studied this from a sociological perspective for many years and write about it often. I'd very much like to see a different social system, but overwhelmingly, what I see is most men clinging to this one, even though it is literally killing them.
"It’s as though challenging the system itself is a tacit admission of not being able to cut it, and since this sort of dominance hierarchy is zero-sum, where if you don’t win, you lose, admitting that the system itself is dysfunctional and destructive seems to be viewed as admitting defeat rather than the type of creative and original thinking that Captain Kirk undertook. As one man commented on one of my stories, “Admitting pain leads directly to the bottom end of a pecking order that is solidly enforced by both male and female peers.” The belief that this is inevitable is a part of what is holding social progress and greater equality back, including a better world for men."
FYI, most judges are male. Patriarchy believes that women are better caretakers of children than men are. Blaming feminism for women more often being awarded custody is absurd!
"When it comes to divorce, something that happens in about 50% of US marriages, women still tend to get primary custody of children most of the time. Although most states no longer automatically assume that women are the best choice, many courts do look at who has been the children’s primary caregiver so far. “Which parent has been responsible for meeting most of the child’s daily needs, such as feeding, bathing, playing, waking and putting to bed, making doctor appointments, arranging for child care, and so on.”
We can definitely agree that our dominance hierarchy culture contributes to social and emotional isolation, violence, and abuse. That's why I spend so much time calling out the one that we have and advocating for a better one.
