Some women uphold patriarchy too. If they didn't, it wouldn't still exist, but lots of women do not and consider that sort of behavior to be stupid and harmful, just like you did/do. At the end of the day, traditional masculine norms are literally killing men - not just in drunken fights or driving too fast, but in depression/suicidal ideation, substance abuse, high blood pressure, and other physical symptoms. More men need to take the lead in shifting masculine norms because guys are only ever going to listen to other guys on this.