Thanks for clarifying and obviously I can't truly know all about Tony's feelings and beliefs from just a few short written exchanges online, but I have yet to see him talk about how the culture of masculinity is what needs to change (even if he believes it) and instead everything I've read is all about how women shouldn't be so angry, and how we need to be patient because change is slow, etc., including a lot that is quite resistant to the idea that women should hate men. As I said before, I don't think anyone should hate anyone, or that most women actual do hate men, but he keeps turning it around to deflect away from the fact that by most metrics it's entirely reasonable for a lot of women to hate men under the circumstances. Who wants to be parted of a hated class? As a white person, I don't particularly enjoy that aspect, but I also don't take it personally because I understand why some Black people feel that way. He seems to take it quite personally.

And at this point, I'm feeling like "whatever" - he won't engage with me any longer and I don't have time to waste on someone who wont either stand by their position or change it due to new input.

I do think most men want women to be safe and have the freedom to just live their lives, but the problem remains, most of them are not engaged in confronting the culture that doesn't allow for that. They want to see this stuff as done by "bad guys" and since that isn't them, there's nothing they can do. We've got to shift that mindset somehow. I'm still reading the Katz book and gathering some thoughts so I'll write more about that when I get a little further down the line.