Thanks for sharing all of that. At 50 (after 20+years of happy monogamy), my husband and I opened up our relationship and eventually discovered that we are both pansexual. Before that neither of has any real idea that we could be so attracted to someone of our own gender because we knew we weren’t gay. That was programming for sure, as was our thought that we’d be happiest monogamous. We love being poly and it’s a better natural fit for us both, even though we had a very good monogamous relationship. But we didn’t know what we didn’t know on either front. Whatever choices people want to make works for me if it works for them, but I do object to people not really understanding that there are choices, because there are a lot of them once you stop plugging into what you “should” do.