Thanks for your comment. For me at least, understanding that all relationships are going to be different from each other and therefore individual helped me a lot in learning to navigate polyamory.

I'm not sure I completely understand the dynamic you are in, since to me the best way to not feel like a plaything is to have more emotional investment all around, but in any case, it's a bit of a red flag to me that you said that your partner wants your meta to feel a certain way. We can certainly hope that people will feel the way that we wish they would, but trying to encourage or pressure someone to feel a certain way sounds a bit unhealthy to me. My two cents is that making it safe and fine for your meta to be where they actually are makes room for them to potentially build on that at some point down the line. It takes the pressure off of everyone and if they never get where you want them to be, at least it's not a huge letdown.

Best wishes to all as you go forward.