That sounds really frustrating and like you came across this aspect from the How to Hold Space ideas:

"When we assume responsibility that isn’t ours, we might unintentionally communicate a lack of trust in the other person, imply that we believe they don’t have what it takes, or we may push them into hiding or isolation. A sense of agency (“I have choice, I am capable”) is a critical part of resilience and healing forward from trauma and grief. Remember, we all want to be seen and heard, above all."

I thought that aspect was so important - to stress how feeling like you have control is so important to resilience.