That's a great example, and having experienced the same thing, I know just what you are saying. Particularly when we first opened up our marriage, we thought we were so egalitarian and intentional and quickly ran smack dab up against all sorts of social conditioning that we had taken on without even realizing we'd done so. Our socialization is deep in our subconscious minds. The only thing we can possibly do is to try to make it more conscious and to amend the norms that really just don't work.