That's what so many guys are conditioned into. I'm glad that you are starting to find your way toward something less harmful. I know it’s not easy in a culture that still teaches men to be like this, but as I somewhat facetiously noted, it is possible to unlearn it — even if it takes the sort of strength that guys aren’t taught to cultivate. They can “John Wayne” their own lives into something less harmful and harming if they invest in doing that. But first, they have to stop dancing to culture’s tune and pretending that’s something worth defending.