The wife of my new lover A was who I was referring to. Sorry for any confusion.

My husband and I started out as swingers - in that we were looking for new sexual connections but not new emotional ones. Then, I fell in love with someone. It caused some bumps for a while, but we worked through it and when my husband eventually fell in love with someone else, it helped him to realize that this didn't change our relationship. We'd gotten kind of tired of some of the downsides of swinging. Just like regular dating, it's hard to meet new people who are of high quality and a good match for you - and we'd had some bad experiences. I was content to focus mostly on my new love (even though we were long-distance by then) and to just play with our mutual girlfriend and a few other select people from time to time. So yes, even though we still have casual sex at times, we consider ourselves poly, and are more interested in connections that have more substance to them and are more consistent.

It took us until our 50s to figure out we were bisexual, him a little bit longer than me, but not so surprising given a lot of extreme messaging against that for guys. Now, we are quite happy in our relationship, our relationships with others, and how that part of our life is going - particularly since we have some new lovers that we both like a lot (not always a given that you both like both of them). I agree, it's not for everyone, but it certainly works well for us.