There are a couple of other men on Medium I've come across who are raising their children. I'm sorry, but raising children alone, while admirable and challenging to be sure, is not a free pass to say things that are condescending or invented out of thin air. I will maintain my boundaries and say what I need to say whenever the need for that arises. The fact that you've chastised me rather than take responsibility for how you yet again invented a sweeping generalization speaks to the probable need to do so again in the future.

Writing about my childhood and my family is not something I've done very often - it's not the main subject matter that interests me, but here's something I wrote about my mom a while back.

Grief Becomes Her

And no, we don't agree that what we did or didn't get in childhood boils down to the relationships we had with our parents. Again, why are you putting words in my mouth and telling me what I think and believe? Why don’t you ask me if I agree instead of declaring that I do?

Do Boys ‘Need’ a Father in the Home to Grow Up Successfully?

The quality of the home environment and the support that the child feels have a much greater influence on positive or negative outcomes than who exactly is raising the child. Study after study has reiterated that stability and a sense of being loved and safe are much more important than who actually provides that.

These details completely transform study outcomes. For example, boys raised by a mother and stepfather (a two-parent home) have the highest negative outcomes, much more than those raised by a single mother. In fact, juvenile delinquency and substance abuse are highest among children raised by parents in hostile marriages (two-parent homes). (source)

Things like how often a family eats dinner together can have a much greater impact on a child’s well-being than who exactly is raising that child — even if it’s a boy. Aside from the fact that boys who want masculine role models find them in other places — with uncles, teachers, coaches, etc., and that it’s good for all kids to be around both men and women, what is most important for healthy children is that they are nurtured and allowed to grow up to be who they are.

This is a really good thing, since as I already noted in a quote above, ten years after a divorce, two-thirds of children no longer have any significant relationship with their father. This is not always entirely the father’s fault, but if that loss were an automatic indicator of delinquency and dysfunction for boys, we’d be in a lot worse shape as a culture than we are.

Overall, children seemed to do best when they have three secure relationships — that is, three relationships that send the clear message “You will be cared for no matter what.” Such findings led van IJzendoorn and Sagi to conclude that “the most powerful predictor of later socioemotional development involves the quality of the entire attachment network.” They termed this their “integration model.” ~Hrdy, Sarah Blaffer. Mothers and Others (p. 130). Harvard University Press. Kindle Edition.