There is no argument that can reasonably question or dispute this stuff. And no, you are not asking "reasonable questions" for the most part - you are putting up weak defenses around how it's inappropriate to identify American masculinity as the root problem for violence of all kinds in our culture.
The world we live in speaks for itself, as do the statistics. Fucking Jordan Peterson agrees that "real men" are dominant, violent when they need to be, aggressive, competitive, and stoic. How exactly he rationalizes that this isn't harmful to absolutely everyone makes no rational sense - particular since we are one of the most violent of the Western democracies and many men feel isolated and alone because you can’t be close to anyone if you’re always competing, dominanting, and stoic.
Pretty much all other bodies who study that sort of stuff confirm that it is very harmful - to men, and everyone else - which isn't rocket science - it's perfectly intuitive when talking about members of a highly social and highly cooperative species that suffer severe mental and physical harm when not given enough access to touch, to meaningful human interactions, to sharing and caring about each other. Other cultures, including many other Western democracies, do not construct masculinity in these extremely violent, emotionally repressed, and sexually predatory ways.
This is what a rape culture is:
Anyone who knows the first thing about statistics understands that they have to be looked at in context. Also, even without that, they are pretty damning:
The CDC says Sexual violence is common: Over half of women and almost one in three men have experienced sexual violence involving physical contact during their lifetimes.. One in four women and about one in 26 men have experienced completed or attempted rape. (not all, but the vast majority of that, is perpetrated by men). Women who engage is sexual violence have almost universally been the victims of it themselves.
85% of American women started getting sexually harassed in chilhood - often as young as 9 or 10 years old.
Somewhere between 35-50% of American women who are murdered are killed by male domestic partners (vs. 6% of men - and at least some percentage of those are self-defense)
A recent study from “Violence and Gender” found that nearly 32 percent of college male participants said they would “force a woman to [have] sexual intercourse.” When asked if they would “rape a woman,” that number dwindled to 14 percent.
Several other studies confirm similar numbers as well as the disconnect between coerced or forced sex actually constituting rape. And these are just the guys willing to admit this stuff to researchers. Imagine how many more hold these beliefs but don't say them because mainstream norms of masculinity encourage looking at women not as fellow human beings, but as something to acquire - for status and personal gratification.
Marital rape wasn't a crime in all 50 states until 1993 and there are still places with loopholes that make it legal or not as serious a crime as raping someone who isn't your wife.
In cultures where there is no historical belief in male dominance, or coercion and violence as a demonstration of masculinity, rape is nearly unheard of.
In the UK, "There were 17,616 offences of coercive control recorded by the police in the year ending March 2019, compared with 9,053 in the year ending March 2018. (ONS, 2019). 97% of defendants prosecuted for coercive and controlling behaviour in the year ending December 2018 were male. (ONS, 2019)."
85% of rapes are committed by someone the woman knows - typically a date, boyfriend, or husband, but sometimes a boss, coworker, or "friend."
Young men who most internalize masculine norms (though which, at least to some extent, do not?) are six times more likely than others both to report having sexually harassed girls and to have bullied other guys. They are also more likely to have themselves been victims of verbal or physical violence (including murder). They are more prone to binge-drinking and risky sexual behavior, and more likely than other boys to be in car accidents. They are also painfully lonely: less happy than other guys, with fewer close friends; more prone to depression and suicide. Whatever comfort, status, or privilege is conferred by the “real man” mantle, then—and clearly those exist—comes at tremendous potential cost to boys’ physical and mental health, as well as that of the young women around them.
Orenstein, Peggy. Boys & Sex (p. 13). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.
Based on what a large survey of men from the US, UK and Mexico had to say about what was expected of them in order to be "real men" - the conclusion being that it's extremely detrimental to them to buy into these Man Box norms. Not every man does fully, or at all, but they all experience pressure to do so - sometimes even from women in their lives.
Young men’s mental health is in a worrisome state. Their bravado masks deep insecurities, depression, and frequent thoughts of suicide. Men in the Man Box in the US and UK are statistically significantly more likely to meet a screening standard for depression than men outside the Man Box.
Furthermore, all young men’s rates of suicidal ideation are troubling, with particularly high rates among men in the Man Box.Young men are more likely to report providing emotional support to others than they are to report being emotionally vulnerable or seeking help themselves. In line with the Man Box rule that young men be self-sufficient, study participants tend to grapple with emotions with little or no support from others. When they do seek support, it is from women in their lives — almost never from their fathers. We also see that fear of appearing vulnerable or gay still has a powerful influence over young men’s behaviors, particularly for men in the Man Box.
The Man Box is also a place of extremely risky behaviors, particularly binge drinking and reckless driving. Too many young men associate being a “real man” with alcohol abuse and dangerous driving, putting themselves and others at risk when they try to meet this harmful standard.Young men’s notions of physical attractiveness still link primarily with muscle bulk and body shape, as opposed to a more inward, individual sense of confidence and attractiveness.
The Man Box is an enormously violent place, with negative repercussions for young men themselves, for young women, and for others in their lives. Men in the Man Box in the US and UK are as much as six or seven times more likely to report having perpetrated acts of online or physical bullying against male peers than men outside the Man Box. Men in the Man Box in Mexico are also three times more likely than their peers outside the Man Box to report having perpetrated sexual harassment. In the US and UK, men in the Man Box are six times more likely to report perpetrating sexual harassment.
I'd link you some more statistics, but my hands are getting tired from typing. There is no picture painted by these statistics that doesn't severely indict mainstream patriarchal masculine norms - and the way they harm not only women (and children) but also men and society as a whole.
Norms are culture — they aren’t who men inherently are — they are what guys are messaged to be in violent dominance hierarchy society. Lots of other cultures are less so. We have the culture that we tolerate. I suggest we start doing a better job with that for everyone’s sakes.
