There's a lot to unpack and respond to, and I don't have time at the moment to go into your story in depth but will come back. The long and short of it is, most feminists these days are intersectional, so they are quite well aware of the way they are in a class of people (if white) who have privilege, and try to take responsibility for that. Not all, to be sure, but most of the ones that I know. You cannot separate yourself out from your demographic and say "But I'm one of the good ones" because that's irrelevant. That demographic still has deep institutional as well as personal negative impacts on another demographic - and all the people in the dominant demographic benefit from the negative impacts of others, whether they want to or not. You taking that personally is childish and centering yourself in a conversation that isn't about you.

Men are the problem as relates to the ways that women are pervasively treated by them in a patriarchy, just as whites are the problem as relates to racial inequality - regardless of the direct culpability of individuals. And I'll remind you, racism is a dominance hierarchy dynamic too - it's not just about gender. Individuals trying to center themselves in a narrative about the pervasive harm of another demographic is fragile and self-serving. There are no "good guys" and "bad guys" - there are only people who are trying to take responsibility for the way they participate in a problematic culture and people who are spending all their time screaming "it's not me, I didn't do anything" while the dysfunction continues (and they continue to benefit from it). I urge you to stop being the latter and spend more time being the former. We need guys like you - it's the only way the culture can begin to shift.