There's more to polyamory than sexual pleasure. Poly means many in Greek and amor means love - it's about being able to have intimate relationships of various kinds with more than one person. Polyamory is not any more about sex than mongamy is. It’s a component, and perhaps and important one, but it isn’t the only element of the relationship. In fact, sex might not be a part of the equation at all. One of my loves is no longer a sexual relationship but we still care deeply for each other.
I won't speak for swingers, since I am no longer one, but even when I was, it was a far sight more connected and civil than hook-up culture.
I've been with my husband for 30 years. He is my primary, but not every poly person has a primary. People are free to create whatever configurations they want that work for them.
I have 4 other partners that have varying levels of time spent together and intimacy. They are not all husband/wife equivalents, but that doesn't mean that I don't love them and that they don't love me. The fact that you don't understand this is irrelevant. You are operating out of a scarcity mindset. I'm not. I feel sorry for you, to be honest. Love is much, much bigger and richer than you can ever imagine.
Human beings are wired for connection, intimacy, and interdependence in a way that is far beyond what your restrictive notions allow for. The fact that you don't understand that is a bit sad, frankly. You are trying to evaluate a totally different relationship style through the lens of monogamy and it doesn’t compute. That’s your problem, not mine.
