These are really great insights, Pablo. As so often happens with our “talking over coffee” conversations, it’s given me some ideas for a story about this. Misogyny is the policing arm of patriarchy. It’s the ostracizing function, which again, may not have anything to do with hating women, but is more about feeling upset about the social norms being disrupted, which is disconcerting in a more general way.

But, if we lived in a world that didn’t have these gender or other social norms in the first place, there would be no reason to police anybody who wasn’t hurting anyone else. So much about patriarchy is about comparing yourself to the people around you to see if you rank higher or lower, about keeping people in certain kinds of boxes, and making them pay if they seek to move out of them (pertains to racism, sexual harassment, and bullying more generally) as well.

People could do what made them happy without having to fear that they’d be kicked out of the pack for not wanting exactly what everyone else does or what they should. Believe me, I’d like to be able to be open about my life and my relationships in my everyday world, but I don’t feel that it’s safe to do that. I don’t think I’d actually be ostracized, but I don’t relish being judged or talked about.

I really do need to read that book!!