This culture absolutely harms men in a wide variety of ways, but that is never, ever an excuse to harm someone else. "I was abused" is not a get out of jail free card. "My culture taught me to dominate women and engage in violence" doesn't speak to all the guys who grew up in the same culture and chose not to do that shit.
You'll get no argument from me that we need to listen to the pain caused by our current culture of masculinity, but it's not a substitute for holding that same culture responsible for all of the havoc that it wreaks on everyone else. In addition, men have to want to change this culture and from what I've seen, a fair number of them don't want to.
"It’s as though challenging the system itself is a tacit admission of not being able to cut it, and since this sort of dominance hierarchy is zero-sum, where if you don’t win, you lose, admitting that the system itself is dysfunctional and destructive seems to be viewed as admitting defeat rather than the type of creative and original thinking that Captain Kirk undertook. As one man commented on one of my stories, “Admitting pain leads directly to the bottom end of a pecking order that is solidly enforced by both male and female peers.” The belief that this is inevitable is a part of what is holding social progress and greater equality back, including a better world for men."
