This is basic sociology. I don't have to be a man to know about the pressures that men face, what masculine norms are and how they harm men as well as everyone else. I'm sorry that your performative defensiveness is exhausting. Maybe try giving it up and learn something about the way your culture operates and how you are not, in fact, separate from it and you won't be so tired.

What you're essentially telling me is that all the women of your family who socialized you are liars and idiots, and that in fact, this applies to most women. Nice....

Attraction is a complex and mysterious soup. It's not a checklist, and some things cancel other things out. Being kind and respectful if it comes across as obsequious or wishy washy is not going to be as attractive as somebody who demonstrates self-confidence and owns what they have to offer - as just one example. If the confident guy later turns out to be an asshat, it's not because she secretly wants that and not kindness, it's because attraction is complex, multi-layered, and hard to truly quantify and while she was attracted to confidence, in that particular guy it happened to come with other less desreiable traits as well. Why is this so hard to understand?

You want a checklist, but that's not how affection or attraction work. It's simply a way to scapegoat women by pretending that it is.