This is what I’ve really learned being poly — jealousy is always about me and not the other person. The other day Nat told me about going with his family and other families to a fun outing. I discovered I was jealous because other people are getting to spend time with him in fun ways in everyday life, and I’m not. I’m not jealous of his pair-bond; but I’m jealous of people going to a haunted house with him. That’s all about me — which meant that I could also work with it and move through it to some extent.

Poly life forces people to take more responsibility for their own emotions and needs, and that’s a good thing. Being paired up in a way where you think you own the other person because that’s what you’ve been taught being together means is really not so healthy. Learning to work through insecurities and to talk about what your fears and needs are is.