This isn't the issue. Of course, anyone who is ill should take good care of themselves, and not be shamed for it. The issue is that women are still expected to function even when they are sick, because somebody has to get the kids to school or wash the clothes, and when they have a minor illness, they do it without complaint, whereas when a lot of men have the same symptoms, they act like they are on death's door and not only can't contribute to life, but most be waited on. This is an extension of male entitlement to be cared for by women, and although I agree with you that patriarchal gender norms play a part in this dynamic for both men and women, I'm not the main issue in my own experience with this dynamic. I'm trying to take care of myself when I'm sick too and often being subconsciously expected to still fulfill all of my roles, and even asked to do so. I have to often keep reminding him that "I'm sick, I need to rest." When he's sick, no reminding is needed and I do bring him soup.

The resentment is not that I'm not giving myself more of what I need. It's from living in a world that tells women they are weaker, not as intelligent, not as productive, etc., when in truth, women hold up the world. For the most part, they are the center tent poles in their households and families, and they get shit done, even when they don't feel 100%. My husband doesn't believe I'm weak or not as intelligent but he still subconsciously thinks that I'm in the world to make his life more pleasant, and when he's even a little bit sick, that impulse comes to the forefront. My resentment around this isn't about me at all, it's around that pervasively held, albeit deeply subconscious belief, that men are people and women are helpmeets.