Unbelievably tired! But at the end of the day, we are either a part of the problem or a part of the solution, and people from dominant groups have an obligation to stand up for those with less societal power.

I don't get upset when Black folks complain about how white culture harms them - still today - despite some improvements because I know they are right and also that they aren't talking about me. Why can't more men do that? Because they are bought into the idea of a social pecking order where if you don’t win, you lose — rather than having any concept that a win-win is possible.

Yes, all men need to listen, even the ones at the bottom of the social order, because even they have a staggering amount of privilege compared to even the richest woman. And the fact that you don't seem to be aware of that is a part of the problem. If you're a "good guy" who doesn't subscribe to masculine norms and you still don't understand the social dynamics of all this stuff, it's not truly being an ally. Your lack of understanding about the power structures still in play is a serious issue.

It's not enough to be a good guy who isn't actively causing harm because you benefit from sexism and misogyny, even if you don't want to. Yes, women need to do their part, and decolonize their minds from patriarchal thinking and internalized misogyny but the system we are trying to effect is male dominated and it's male norms that are driving violence.

I'm open to listening to your perspective about how we can communicate better, but I'm also skeptical. How exactly do you sugar coat that masculinity in this culture IS the problem?