Violence and discrimination ARE the fault of masculine norms in a patriarchal culture. Speaking up about that is not misandry and it's imperative that we do so in order to force some sort of change. Misogyny is rampant in the world, as evidenced by the high levels of femicide, and physical/sexual abuse of girls and women, as well as ubiquitous harassment, discrimination, and marginalization of women. And as evidenced by the fact that you didn't feel the need to respond to that little girl in any way (even if you thought better about it later). This is not because you are a bad person. Clearly, you are a very thoughtful guy, but like us all, you are swimming in an ocean of socialization specific to your gender, and you've been taught to think (or not have to bother to think about) women in particular ways. You've been taught what it means to be "a real man" and those norms are largely bad for women and society, abut also bad for you and for men.
I certainly don't condone anyone saying "men are trash" or anything similar, but I've never seen that on Medium. I appreciate your call for people to be more civil to each other but part of that involves listening to the legitimate complaints of women based in their own lived experiences without defensiveness or taking it personally. In addition, you don't get to police the tone of people who have been systemically abused and marginalized their entire lives just because it makes you uncomfortable. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would not be sitting quietly by in the face of your own blatant and ongoing oppression.
Things are much, much worse than you have any idea about for most women. They have every right to talk about their lives without you determining (based on nothing) that they are exaggerating. The men who do bad things aren't aliens from another planet - they are men acting on mainstream masculine norms - your friends, your brothers, your uncles, your co-workers, etc. If you aren't actively participating in holding them accountable for civil, equitable behavior where women are treated with kindness or respect, then you are a part of the problem.
Instead, why not be a leader in helping create the solution. This begins with you dropping the defensiveness and the notion that men are being treated unfairly, and instead taking responsibility for helping to change masculine culture for everyone's benefit. You might want to read Mark Greene's essays here on Medium or Jackson Katz' book The Macho Paradox for a dose of what it looks like to be a man working to improve the culture. Your best bet when reading what women have to say about their experiences with this culture is to be quiet, listen, and learn. You are in no position to determine who is exaggerating or who is out of line. I urge you to use your thoughtful side to truly educate yourself on this topic and to become a leader in helping to improve the culture - for all our sakes.
Thank you for inviting me to read this. Here’s something you might want to check out.
