We live in a patriarchal social system - one where up until 50 or 60 years ago women and racial minorities were second class citizens by law. Pretending that the legacy of that is now erased a few decades later because the laws that codified those beliefs have changed is the wishful thinking of a person who doesn't really want to face the impact of thousands of years of this dynamic - mostly because they've never been on the downside of it. We can't all be pure individuals until we have a society were opportunities and treatment come on an actual individual basis, rather than by demographic. Denying that power dynamics exist, that sociological elements don't really exert a huge impact - that's putting your ostrich head in the sand to deny an uncomfortable reality.
You're right, no one goes around saying, "Wow, Dave was really an asshole today in that meeting. What a great job!" But the fact of the matter is, people like that do get promoted, they do get seen as leaders even if there behavior rubs us the wrong way because it's subconscious conditioning of living in a dominance hierarchy. And "reading" like a leader is a lot more important than actually have the skills and knowledge to be one. This story below is about wealth and elite backgrounds conferring unfair advantage but it's the same kind of dynamic where looking like a leader is more important that substance a lot of the time.
“In the course of her career and research into workplace behavior, Nicole Jones Young has noticed that some managers recognize the work of the loudest, most confident and, sometimes, the most well-heeled person in the room. That includes people who are well-known to have gone to a good school and, well, come from a wealthy background.
These elements make it difficult for people at lower parts of the social hierarchy to be able to improve their standing. Social inequalities tend to lead to structural inequalities and this makes it easier for those nearer to the top of the pyramid to maintain their historic power and privilege.”
