We've been trying to get through on this stuff for over 50 years, including major cultural moments like the #MeToo Movement and The Women's March. How exactly is one supposed to make it more accessible to men - particularly when many of them vehemently don't want to hear it? Remember the backlash to the Gillette ad — something that was completely inoffensive and supportive of men (who weren’t overly defensive about the role that masculine norms play in violence in this culture).
Many, many men (most men) are overly identified with patriarchy and any critiques of that social system gets read as an attack on men (even though patriarchy harms men as well). The world is changing and lots of men don't like that - but rather than blame the elites who shipped their jobs overseas and otherwise enriched themselves at the expense of the little guy, most blame women and feminism - which is exactly what the elites want.
The truth is, no societal change has ever taken place by people being "nice" about it. In a patriarchal dominance hierarchy, those with more power never relinquish it willingly and since many men (with some notable exceptions) are actively against giving up what they perceive to be their birthright (even if it's not), making this stuff accessible is daunting.
I'm trying to speak more and more about how men are harmed by patriarchy and to encourage men to step up and become leaders in creating a new social system, but it's rough going. I get a lot of anger and pushback for my trouble.
I hear a nearly constant drum beat, even from male allies, that women are too angry, and that this anger is counter-productive to change. If we want to move faster toward equality they say, we really ought to tone it down and be a little bit nicer. Unsurprisingly, “Watch your tone” is something that many assertive women hear throughout their lives. Something that is almost never said to men. The cultural expectation is for women to be pleasing and accommodating. When they fail to do that, it reads like a transgression, rather than the passion and assertiveness that are considered to be assets in men.
While I agree that we need to find more ways to work together and to get men bought into championing this cause by bringing them into the fold, I do not agree with the nicer part. How does one effectively talk about one’s pain at the hands of a male-dominated society without actually noting that this pain does not arise from the ether — it comes from a harmful and problematic pervasive culture of masculinity?
