We've struggled with this as well, and slowly, over time, come out to a few close friends we can trust. It was a leap of faith, but I felt like I needed to do it for my own sanity. It's a huge damper to the life that we otherwise really enjoy to not feel like it's easy to be honest about who we are.

I saw something yesterday where Ian McKellan said that no-one ever regretted coming out of the closet - him included. Perhaps that applies to us ENM folks as well? If you lose a friendship over this, maybe they weren't the right friends? Work and parents is a bit more dicey, I understand, but I hope you figure out what works better for you around this.