We've talked about this 97 times already, and the author reiterates it again here. Along with those good qualities there also needs to be some sense of drive or purpose, some understanding of who he is and what he brings to the table - something that will lead her to believe she'd be in a relationship with a man and not a nice boy. As the author notes, "These male characters get themselves together, mature, and take their spots side by side with fierce women who have individuated themselves completely."

From my perspective, most young men today are kind of aimless overgrown teenagers. They don't bother to learn to own who they are; instead they spend their time blaming women for not being attracted to this sort of wishy-washy child. Essentially, they are looking for a mommy who will sleep with them, and not a partner. Maybe that last part is not the guys you know, but they still need to have the "grew up, healed myself, not threatened by your shine" aspect, and that part is largely missing.