When do you get to have empathy for yourself? Why is it your job to caretake an abuser? Also, having empathy for someone and calling them out on bad stuff they’ve done are not mutually exclusive. I’m so tired of this trope, applied so much lately to victims of all kinds.

“telling the truth would be unfair.” It’s now considered hateful in some quarters to call someone a racist (even when they demonstrably are). It’s unfair to men to talk about pervasive experiences of women with fear, harassment and abuse. Lather, rinse, repeat!

You can’t put icing over mud and call it cake. It is necessary to recognize and deal with dysfunctional behaviors and dynamics in order to be able to move on to healthier places. The fact that you even ask yourself if you are demonstrating enough empathy means that you have the self-awareness to notice if and when you possibly aren’t.